It’s my brother’s birthday and like so many firsts in this lockdown, another one took place this evening. I dialed into a online birthday party and it was an experience and a half.

Relationships with siblings is different from any other. Siblings are engrained in your DNA and you share genes that uniquely bind you together for life. I love my brother dearly and over the years have watched him settle into his own skin and become a man who’s strength transcends. His authority and clear trajectory in life makes me value him more and more and I’m proud of the person he is and will become. Also I can’t believe I’ve put up with thirty-something years of his madness. From day 1 he’s been my friend, confidant, counselor, and moral compass. And he is not afraid to hurt my feelings by being honest and telling me the truth the way he sees it. My brother schools me about life regularly but today his speech made me cry. Read it for yourself to fine out why.

14 Going On 40

At 40, I have realised, nobody knows what they’re doing. Everybody is just winging it. Some people are winging it and winning and some of us look around wondering how they do it.

One thing I can say for sure. Those older than you will always know stuff you don’t. You know those moments when elders look at you like you’re dumb. If they knew, what didn’t they say anything?

So as somebody who knows a few things, and while I have my family, the people I care most for and the rest of you beautiful beings here virtually. I’ll take this opportunity to part a little bit of what I have learnt in life, so far. So that you don’t wonder why I didn’t say anything before.

1. Life is tough. Nas said, “life’s a bitch and then you die”. He’s not wrong. It’s the longest thing you will ever do and no matter how wealthy or clever you are. It’s hard. It never gets easy.So those of you in your teens or twenties, I have bad news for you.Life will not get better when you are big, rich, have your first job, your own car or your own house.

2. Work hard No matter what you have in life. You will always need to work for it. You will make mistakes.

3. Life is your experiment Try stuff. Do things. Don’t wait for another day. If you have an idea or a dream. Go for it. If it doesn’t work out. You still have a result. Do something else.

4. Know what you want If you don’t know, figure it out. Don’t spend twenty years doing something you don’t care about. Find out now and move quickly. Remember, life is your experiment. 

5. Don’t waste time People always say life is short. It is. I was just lifting like a king the other day and now I am 40.

6. Learn everyday from everybody In every interaction you have with people, whether they are elders like the great Uncles I have, or young children. You can learn the greatest lessons no matter the age of the person that you learn it from. You will always have good people and bad people in your life. Both will teach you something.

7. Don’t eat too many oily foods. It damages your physical performance. When I was 14, I managed to lift 420kg on leg press and 240kg on bench press. This week at 40, I managed to squat 60kg and bench press 50kg. On the day when I had eaten Lays, I could only manage 40kg on both and I was finished after.

8. Whisky is good for you. No matter what anybody says, I have never had a problem working out after whisky. In fact a day after a night of whisky with my friends, working out gets me back to peak. So those of you mad at your husband for drinking too much whisky. Stop it.

9. Don’t underestimate the importance of a good mattress You know that feeling. No matter how much sleep you get, you just feel tired all the time. Your body aches for no reason and every now and then you wake up with a stiff neck. It’ your mattress. A good mattress will have you feeling well rested all the time and you won’t have any aches and pains.

10. Go to the dentist I didn’t realise there is space between each tooth and that’s where floss goes. I was 23 when I figured that out. How? When you don’t go often enough. There is no going back if you damage your teeth. So ,take care of your only set.

11. Have good friends I am lucky that I have the best bunch of friends in the world. Some are near and some are far, but I am never far from a conversation filled with laughter, one filled with sincerity or the most brutal honesty one can handle.

12. Be realistic. I am lucky I have had everything I ever wanted save for a few things I am still aiming for. There is no such thing as perfect. All you can do it make your life as perfect as possible.

In closing

I want to say two things:

13. Gratitude. Live life in gratitude. Be gracious no matter your success. I want to thank my wife Nutan for bringing beauty and joy into my life, into this home. For always doing her best no matter how hard and difficult I can be. You make everything better. Thank you.

14. You can have it all. Einstein was once asked, why is time linear. His response was, if it wasn’t linear, everything would happen all at once.

So I leave you with this one very important lesson that I can say I came up with, based on that story of Einstein

You can have everything you want – just not all at once.