Challenges will come. That’s the reality of life. And when they come. Boy does it rain.

Let’s flip that coin over.

Happiness isn’t that fleeting when you surround yourself with people who constantly slay with you and remind you to do what you can, with what you have, where you are. (T. Roosevelt)

The final weeks of summer have been beautiful but I allowed one person to taint my world with negativity and criticism. I have never questioned myself as much as I have these last couple of weeks. I’ve mulled over whether I’m damaged, broken, healing, healed, happy, or sad. I doubted myself and realised that I often dim who I am to suit people.

Lesson one.

I recently learned what gaslighting means. By definition, it is, “a form of psychological abuse where a person or group makes someone question their sanity, perception of reality, or memories. People experiencing gaslighting often feel confused, anxious, and unable to trust themselves.”

Trauma is my past but it’s not my reality. Being told that I am not over my past is cruel. Being guilted into breaking boundaries and made to feel like I’m damaged for not allowing myself to ‘let go’ is a form of gaslighting. It’s disrespect and I realise that now. I wish I saw it sooner.

Lesson two.

Someone who uses you as a sounding board when they are emotional passes time with you, and feeds their ego around you is not a friend. I have experienced this with three different people this year. Their aloofness is often justified, their needs bigger than yours, their criticism of people, you, and the world is so convincing despite distorted arguments. And the best part, they never say sorry - even when they’re wrong - oh, and they’re never wrong.

The groundwork of every friendship is understanding, respect, and love. Love is the most important. I have learned this over the years and have understood and realised that everyone has a sweet blind spot. Mine is love. When someone disrespects you that is not love. Block and leave.

Lesson three.

Healing will come. It takes time. It is painful but healing is feeling.

Healing is spending time with your friends and reminding yourself of the life you want. It’s waking up early, watching the sunrise, and reminiscing. It’s on the road when you walk, run or cycle. In the eyes of cats when they look up at us. I find so much peace when I look into the sky. And it can be blue or black, with either birds or thousands of stars. I am comforted.

I have looked up, down, cried, laughed until I cried, and danced a lot this month.

I questioned so much about myself and I have been exhausted. My appetite dwindled. I even stopped cooking and creating and started smoking because I became so anxious. On my last outing to the stores, I purchased Nicorette to break this disgusting habit.

Pain is a fluctuating enemy designed to destroy. I am often pained. It’s because I make bad choices and accept mediocrity. Pain is also inevitable. When grief strikes, it’s most often out of our control.

Be kind to yourself. Feel.

Recognise your purpose. It is carved from within. When you spend time with people who pull you down, you’re not going to see it. Their weights, luggage, or burdens - whatever you want to call it - will sink you.

This evening as I tuck into bed, I want to remind you about your worth. You know your worth, you really do. I know my worth. I just get confused sometimes.

Worth doesn’t rest in someone’s opinion of you. It never will.

Worth is you.

Your uniqueness.

Don’t let anyone change that. Or make you feel guilty or ashamed of who you are.