In the next few hours, I will close my eyes and dream as we slip quietly into week two of SA’s lockdown.

This time last week, I was a ball of anxiety and I couldn’t sleep a wink. My mind stilled only after midnight and only then did I fall into lala land. After one week of being restricted, feeling anxious at work, washing my hands every chance I get at work, not shopping, not going out and meeting friends, not hugging, not shaking hands and not seeing my mother... I am finally feeling lonely.

I yearn for contact.

I am not short of company. I spent the better half of my evening talking to my sister-in-law Nutan, but having no human contact for one week is giving my heart cramps. I am craving a hug. I’m especially craving the way my ex hugs me. It’s a squeeze so hard that all the air in my lungs spill out. My ribcage even constricts a little but I love it so much. No one gives better hugs.

I miss laying next to my mother and reading while she takes short naps. Her soft snores and her sleep farts that used to make me burst into a fit of silent giggles now feel so far away. I miss my mama. And let’s not even talk about my friends. I miss their faces and their eyelashes the most.

Today I felt rather lame and no matter what I did or how hard I prayed, I just couldn’t seem to concentrate much or stick to my schedule. I ate leftovers and for lunch tomorrow I steamed all the vegetables I could find in my fridge and then some more.

I feel as though my creativity went on lockdown and running wild in its place is laziness. I struggled to blog today and I limped through the morning aimlessly moving between my lounge and bedroom. I spiralized some vegetables for fun and then started gluing random things like a broken tea pot, and some stones that fell out some of my earrings.

I then proceeded to play with my tower of earrings and eventually ended up trying every silver pair that I own. I even raided my mothers treasures and hijacked a couple of her rings. True story.

Then I slipped into various party dresses - just to make sure they still fit - cranked up the volume of my top 40 playlist and danced around my house like a boss. I felt like Beyonce with my curly hair, bouncing wild and uncombed. Eventually around midday I tied my hair up and decided to get serious about life. I created a mini-circuit in my home and lunged and squatted until my ass started to randomly twitch.

Lunch saw me devour another white roll with my prawns from the day before in front of the tv. I then read for the rest of the afternoon until the phone rang. I’ve prepared for tomorrow and packed my lunch.

I’m ready but I’m not ready. I am excited but once again, I’m anxious. I don’t know what is in store for me - whether I’ll come into contact with someone who has Covid-19 or not. I am not in control. In my heart however, I know who is.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Jeremiah 29:11