Lockdown: Day 201
Have you ever heard someone bitterly complain about something? There’s an infection of sorts that happens almost instantaneously - very much like the Corona.
I call it a crowd mentality.
Suddenly everyone is uncomfortable and there’s furious hand gestures, wiry eyes, and nasty shaped mouths. People go insane and grow confidence when there’s agreement in their b!tching. Sometimes there’s sarcastic laughter, but mostly it’s the bullies behind the bullying that suck the air right out of the room.
Spirits die.
Especially if someone is aiming at a particular person nearby. Today I witnessed it - not in the most unusual of settings but in the most unusual and ugly way imaginable. I watched happiness flee from the eyes of the target and I saw sadness. So much sadness that it caught me off guard and took my breath away.
I implore you. Can we rise above anger? The kind of anger that sows division and discord in families and the office. Most often it is you that hurts the most. And I know this because I speak from experience. I have fought, hated, and silently canvassed for sympathy in many situations, but the result has always been detrimental to me and I have never walked away unscathed. I have been arguing a lot with my mother and each time, I say things I don’t mean, and she says things she doesn’t mean. We eventually move past our nonsense and shake hands because hugs are just too much effort when we’re bruised. But we do hug - eventually. When the storm passes and the sun rises again.
That’s life and relationships. A never-ending wave of emotional ups and downs, forgiveness and resurrection.
“Do everything without complaining. Do everything without arguing so that you may become blameless and pure children of God. Philippians 2:14-15”
The past two and a half weeks have been quite an interesting ride. I’ve been rejected, fallen in love; I’ve spent time with a friend who has a parent recently diagnosed with cancer; I’ve celebrated a milestone with another; have been reprimanded; I’ve lost my temper and scratched my skin raw on the inside of my elbow because when shit hits the fan, my skin crawls and doesn’t really feel like it belongs to me. I’ve battled to pray and then I didn’t; I fretted about a run I didn’t think I could manage and then I cried when I got home because my running group instilled hope in my heart that good people really do exist.
I run with the best club in the world.
A bunch of ladies who are extraordinary in every way. They came out in their numbers this past weekend to support a pair of runners who were wanting to complete the Chicago virtual marathon. I took the job of support runner quite seriously. I strapped electrolytes, Panado, an EpiPen, muffins, sweets, salt, cash, and love around my waist as I ran alongside Maggy and Kayla.
At some stage they both outran me. But I was not too concerned because at the 15km water point there were a dozen other support runners who had greeted and started running with them. My heart soared when I heard them scream my name. The hill up to them was brutal and I wasn’t too concerned about being alone. I wasn’t. I was so content casually shuffling around the Cradle of Humankind that morning. I greeted dozens of cyclists and runners and had the best conversations with random people on the road. It was amazing.
Run Like A Girl Fourways not only organized water stations and made posters. These ladies woke up earlier than usual on that Saturday, had roped in their spouses, strapped their shoes in, and braved the hot sun so that we could enjoy a 'race' virtually. I could not have felt any more proud and blessed to be a part of such an incredible team of spirited women.
So that was just one of many highlights since I’ve last blogged in lockdown.
Seeing since I’m a list kind of girl I tend to write down everything. I even write down my expenses in a book - I always have.
I’ve listed the type of qualities I want in my husband. There’s even a list of things I want to teach my children one day. I have an entire children’s book collection for my unborn offspring. There was a time when I wanted to give it away but I’ve secretly still been hoarding Enid Mary Blyton and Roald Dahl books. Just in case. There’s even a list on my phone of books I still need to buy and lists of things about people that I never want to forget.
Today I am going to share my list of things I am most grateful for. There are days when I am so tired and when the colour drains from my world.
I wrote this list as a reminder to never forget how blessed I am.
I am who I am because of the company I keep and the soldiers around me who choose to do battle with me. I don’t take any of them for granted.
So, here I go and this list is in no particular order.
I am grateful for:
God my Father. Jesus, His Son, and James my Holy Spirit. James finds me parking every time I cannot. He warns me when I tread in spaces I am not supposed to and he delights in my joy. James is not a figment of my imagination. James is my EVERYTHING!
My health - especially my eyesight. For without it, I would never be able to read.
My family who sustain, maintain, love, and protect me without question or inhibition.
My job. Without my job, I wouldn’t feel as purposeful as I do right now. I love everything about it and I absolutely delight in knowing that I belong and can provide for myself and my mother.
My friends, who carry me in their hearts like they do their family. Who reprimand with kindness, love my uniqueness, and make me feel like I belong in this world.
Persistent curiosity and wonder about people in general. I wouldn’t trade my interest in people for anything in the world. Some would call me forward. I like to think of myself as a servant.
Our soil. I absolutely cannot get enough of nature and wildlife.
South Africa’s Constitution. People can smack it as much as they want, but in my opinion, we have one of the most beautiful, free, forward-thinking Constitutions in the world.
My size 7-8 feet. My tiny 1.53 frame carries 64 kg and is home to the longest feet. I love them because I have built-in traction and I don’t ever trip in my heels.
My home, my car, running water, and a flushing toilet - luxuries that not everyone is privy to.
A sound mind - one that can discern right from wrong.
A compassionate spirit.
My servant's heart. As I’ve aged I realise that material things need to be given away when there’s no longer any use for it in the home. If I don’t use something for 3 months, I give it away.
Graying hair. It is wisdom that I am so proud of.
My long eyelashes and my big eyes. Let this be the most attractive feature of mine in the eyes of my husband.
Fortitude - despite pain there’s been a lot of joy and I will never take that for granted.
My boss and the government. I do believe people are chosen by God to be in a position of power and even if I don’t particularly love some of them the way that I should, I choose to respect them.
My kitty Mexico and her constant quirks and random vomit.
My neighbors and their compassion and kindness.
My business partners and new clients.
Every follower on social media who supports my brand.
My challenges and there’s been many. Without them, I would never be able to appreciate the good things when they happen.
My near-death experiences. They’ve taught me to live boldly.
Time. It is a gift I don’t take lightly. Wasting it pains me.
My imagination. Can you imagine not dreaming big? I keep imagining a shop where everyone can come buy my bakes. There are sunflowers everywhere.
Doctors and medical professionals who study all the time to keep us alive and well for longer.
Faith and provision.
The air that I breathe.
Choices.
My adventurous, positive attitude to life and my smile.
